set rest focused goals
remove the pressure you're putting on your year (and yourself)
Happy New Year Rest Renegades!
We’re officially two weekends into the year 2025 (I know, right?!?) and we’ve made it. But, I want to check in with you because we create a lot of anxiety and pressure for ourselves in the new year. I know that I do…
I think that the New Year is my favorite holiday because it seems like a level set for everyone. No matter how great, difficult or the smattering of both - like it is for the majority of us - last year was, you have to start over like the rest of us. It doesn’t matter your wins, strikes, losses or home runs, you are back to home plate. It’s not really like starting completely over, it’s just a new turn and I really like that.
Before I get into this post’s focus (how to rest + recover in the new year), I want to applaud all of my grammatically strong reader pals. You all opened the post announcing my return to writing here in this space and not one of you called me out on all of my writing mistakes; and there were a lot. I’m not going to go through and point them out or apologize for all of them, but I want you to know, that I know, that you know that I can do better. Thanks to Google Docs (hello free!), I hope to be bringing you evidence in all future writing that I can write and clearly communicate what I’m trying to say going forward. Whew. Now that that is out of the way, we can all take a deep breath and give ourselves a little credit for the growth that we’re all experiencing right now.
new year pressures identified
Listen. I am a fan of goals, planners, stationery and pens to fill up my pretty planners with goals and plans.
I have courted many a planner system with my time, creativity and my dollars. Designed to help me dig deeper and get more clear about what I hoped to gain and grow in, I often found myself disenfranchised because I would set myself up for failure. With too much to focus on and/or fix, I would never seem to be prepared for when life did its thing without my permission or input - which happens all the time.
But, I fought for it. Fought to control the outcomes and make what was on the inside match what others could see. I did this for lots of reasons…
To feel more valued and appreciated.
To demonstrate my worth and talents.
To right wrongs and missteps.
You name it, most of my goals were not just about self-improvement, they were about proving. And reader friend, there is NO resting in that…
The pressure we put on ourselves - not to mention the external pressures that are interlaced with our own - is overwhelming. We have these narratives that tell us to do more, be perfect and never feel/think what we know will probably ruffle the status quo feathers. The pressure says that we are never to change our minds or want more (or less). It’s all too intense for living a rested and joy-filled life.
I don’t want to dog anyone who does well with having stringent goals and plans to achieve those goals. I 1000% believe that there are roles and responsibilities that require those types of clear cut systems and elevated expectations. Hello, pilots…I’d really like you to be sold out on operating well under pressure. But when you’re not flying planes (which is most of us), does the pressure need to be the same? Or to my doctors in the audience…I absolutely enjoy knowing that you have some nervous tension before I’m coming in for my colonoscopy. I’d like you to get it all the way right. But, when you remove your coat and scrubs to head home, does that same tension need to follow you into your drive home or the conversations you hold with your littles.
Let’s take seemingly smaller roles like being a mother or a wife or an employee…
The work is important. And you want to get it “right”, but the pressure to do so is not working for you (and those on the receiving end of your not so well rested self). Maybe they aren’t going to tell you, but I will. You are doing too much by adding pressure to your life. And in this new year, you have the opportunity to change that. Even Especially if you’ve already loaded yourself down with a long list of achievements and “shoulds” that need to be accomplished before the end of this calendar year.
when I removed the new year pressure I put upon myself
I knew from last year that I wasn’t going to do what I’d done in years past. The idea of ordering a planner that would set me up with monthly goals breaking them down into weekly and daily steps to achieve was a “no thank you” this year. But, I’d kept the principles and thought that I could use the eight overarching areas and have just one big goal in each.
The areas are:
faith
family
friends + community
fun + recreation
finances
well being, health, personal growth + development
home + spaces
work
Makes sense, right? I want to be a well-rounded woman capable of keeping her self and her life together and so I need to have a plan to clean up and tackle all the stuff (in one year) that has been lingering for a long time. I know how it sounds…
I grabbed my legal pad and wrote each area on the page and then brainstormed what I felt needs to be addressed. No time limit, no filter. By the time I was done, I narrowed each area to one - okay, sometimes two or three - goal and sat back with a grimace on my face, anxiety rising in my heart. This was nuts. I can’t do all of this stuff. I don’t want to do all of this stuff. I am overwhelmed and the year hasn’t even started (remember, this was just me planning for the new year).
Without realizing it, I’d taken the well-intentioned thought of thinking of where I wanted to be and what I was hoping to accomplish at the end of 2025 and turned myself into a stress case. I didn’t trust myself to toss the list and give myself permission to start over and let go of most of it. So, I messaged a trusted friend and shared what I wanted to get up to/accomplish during the year and her message back to me was…
“I FELT TIGHTNESS AND PRESSURE IN MY CHEST WHILE LISTENING TO YOUR MESSAGE.”
I played the message again and I could hear it too. It was almost like someone else was speaking. A woman who felt like this was what she was supposed to do. A woman who dared not deviate from tradition and expectation to explore options that were more suited to her needs, desires and hopes.
I listened to my friend’s response a few more times and then decided to liberate myself by focusing on only three things in the new year. I journaled about the things and I prayed about the things and then I committed to the things. I had planned to share those things with you all here in more detail, but have since changed my mind. In a way, publicizing these goals adds unnecessary pressure. It’s like being on social media for me - even though I liked a lot of things about being on Instagram, there was always this little nagging voice that judged and criticized what I shared through the lens of comparison and insecurity. You don’t really need to know what my plans for the year are to consider if the practice of removing unneeded pressure from your life is something you want to try too.
And that little big decision is an example of recovery for me…
recover so you can rest - small steps, big impact
Recovery from people pleasing and striving for perfection and acceptance. Those are things that I will likely be putting before God in prayer until the day I take my last breath. These steps toward recovering from past hurts and self criticism and fear are meaningful. They give me the opportunity to change the way I care for myself and my capacity for how I can pour into others.
I have shared my goals and hopes for the year with a few folks. I’ve shared my word of the year here and there. But, the removal of making a proclamation has also alleviated a great deal of pressure. And that feels healthy and freeing to me. Which makes my shoulders relax. It slows my breathing. And my smile returns more quickly.
It’s funny because when I started writing about rest and retreats, I thought it would be all of this external doing that would help me better live a life of regularly prioritized rest. But, what I’m finding is that it is far from the truth. Rest is less of something that I do and more of who I am. I - Regina - am a more rested person because I’m becoming more critical of what I put on my plate, why I say yes and how it might impact how I can show up in the world and love on others.
If you’ve drafted a list of challenges you hope to overcome and dreams you hope to achieve, I think that’s great. Especially if you are energized by those things and the movement toward them. None of this work is “one size fits all” dear renegade. Nope, part of the work is figuring out which steps to take for YOU. So, analyze your list (if you have one at all) and ask yourself where you can let go. And be honest with yourself as to where you need to lean in and leave that pressure right where it is.
There is a lot of pressure that remains for me as I enter my second year of life without Mark. But, I don’t need to add to it just because it’s how I functioned in the past. I’m the one who has to live with the choices I make, so I need to be one who makes the most rest-informed choices I can make. And I hope you will do the same…
You are worth the blocked hour (or five) in your calendar these next couple of weeks to journal, pray and/or sit in silence to really do an honest scan of what you’re getting up to this year and why you’ve prioritized those things. It’s a gift that I hope you will give to yourself. And know that I’m doing the same thing over here in my tiny corner of the internet.
Rest is for you. Yes, Y-O-U. Right now, not someday, later this year…
Plan it and enjoy it!